In the Midst - Spoiler Alert

Mercedes…

I…I wanted to see you.  Even if only for one fleeting moment, I wanted to see you.

I could feel you at my side when you landed next to me, your wings stirring the stifling air around me with their fluttering.  I tried with all my remaining strength to open my eyes, lift a finger…anything that would tell you I was still there.  But my strength failed me, and I could only lie there silently, my heart tearing apart with every tear you shed for me.

I could taste your tears.  Did you know that, Mercedes?  When they left your eyes and trickled down your cheeks, several dripped onto my face.  I could feel them like drops of summer rain, cooling and sweet on my skin.  Of those tears, a few landed on my lips, and with my failing strength I used my tongue to taste them.  

Before now, I had thought all tears tasted bitter and salty, like mine did as I wept for my mother when she died.  But yours, Mercedes, yours tasted as sweet as they felt.  I was torn as I lay there; part of me wanted to awaken and comfort you, wiping those heartbreaking tears from your eyes, while the other part selfishly wished for you to keep crying so I could continue to taste them on my lips and feel their coolness against my skin.

Your pain tore my heart to shreds, Mercedes.  Because I knew I was to blame for it.  Had I not delved into the dark magic, had I not learned the power of Darkova, I would not have had to forfeit my life in such a manner.  What a fool I’ve been.  I could have been somewhere safe, waiting for you to find me.  We could have met once more, could have looked into each other’s eyes one more time before the end of the world came.  But my arrogance clouded my vision, and now you must suffer for my mistakes.

I’m sorry.  I wish my voice still functioned, that you could actually hear me say those words, Mercedes.  I am truly sorry for what I am putting you through.  The sound of your sobs as they racked your small frame only added to the knife that deeply pierced my heart.  The pain makes me rage at my own stupidity, at my shortsightedness.  I’ve squandered my chances at happiness so many times by choosing my own petty ambitions instead, but I never meant for you to suffer.

And now, you are gone.  Bravely, you faced the hellish beast that was the true form of King Onyx.  You showed the courage and strength I always knew you had in you, and I was proud of you for discovering it.  You fought with all the power and grace I would expect of a queen, and you were able to defeat your enemy.  Even though it took everything you had, you still were able to destroy him.

But now that you’re gone…now that you’ve returned to the heavens, can we still be together?  Is your spirit in the same place where I hope mine will go, or am I doomed to wander the heavens for the rest of eternity in search of you?  Will you even think to search for me while you’re there, or will I be forgotten?

No, I know you will never forget me.  And that is why I will search for you.  When I leave this dying world, I will break free of whatever Hell has been set aside for me, and I will find you.  Because you’ve brought relief to my torment, and I now know how empty my existence is without you.

Love.  It seems like such a human concept, yet I’m sure you know it as well as I.  Never give up hope, Mercedes.  No matter how long it takes, I will return to you.  I will reunite with my love, rejoin the angel who appeared in the midst of my hell.